Well, happy St. Paddy’s Day eve! Here is how half the field did in the opening games of the March Madness Macrobrew Tournament!
Heavy Bracket: Miller High Life vs Budweiser
In this matchup we pit “The King of Beers” Budweiser aka Bud Heavy against “The Champagne of Beers” Miller High Life. As far as heavy beers go, “Bud Heavy” is relatively light whereas the High Life comes swinging which is ironic because Budweiser is 5% ABV and Miller is 4.6%. As far as flavor goes, Miller is heavy on the malts with a noted stale tinge and a bitterness that permeates the sip. Bud Heavy starts with a ricey sweetness with a notable hoppy (read this loosely) and dry finish. High Life is definitely the smoother of the two. But in the end, Budweiser retains its crown as “The King of Beers” and furthers the stereotype that only low lives drink High Life. Winner: Budweiser.
Light Bracket: Natural Light vs Pabst Blue Ribbon
For the tale of the tape, both opponents are standing at 16oz tall. In one corner, hailing from Frat Boy Central Naturallllllll “Natty” Lighttttt. In the other corner, we have the champion of typewriters and ironic mustaches Pabst BLUE Ribbon! Let’s get this party started! Natty comes out swinging with absolutely no taste, going down like water. Not to be outdone, PBR has mediocre flavor, which is obviously uncool on purpose. At the end of the match, Natty won the chuggability contest. However, PBR is almost as chuggable and has some flavor to it. Both are smooth, but you look slightly better, albeit more hipster, rocking a case of PBR over Natty Light. Natty is relegated to the category “beer you will drink when you have no other options” and frat parties. Winner: PBR.
Light Bracket: Busch Light vs Bud Light
Bud Light comes in as a huge underdog to this fight. A fan favorite that has had a terrific season, Busch Light has all the qualities of a championship caliber team. It is flavorful, nostalgic, and almost as easy on the eyes as it is the wallet. Busch Light startsoff with a smooth malty but not over-the-top flavor profile and ends with a clean hop finish. Bud Light rebounds and drives home a sweet and smooth taste. Bud Light is not rolling over; this might go into overtime folks. As the beer, err I mean game, progresses, I’m getting a strange feeling almost like a headache. Could it be? Bud Light is letting the game get away from it with its headache-inducing brew. Busch Light then doubles down with a low, low cost of $9.99 an 18 pack and dunks it with its equally smooth and better taste to run away with the game. Winner: Busch Light.
Heavy Bracket: Icehouse vs Steel Reserve
Lord have mercy what did I do to myself? As far as tailgate beers go, both of these are bottom tier that somehow snuck their way into the tourney. When you roll up to a tailgate and folks are sucking these bad boys down, you know they’re on the fast track to blackout city. Icehouse is ice cold right now and actually tastes like a pretty mediocre barley wine. I took my first swig of Steel Reserve, and I think I may have shuddered like you do after a shot of college bar well tequila. When I say this team (SR) didn’t show up to play, I mean I wouldn’t drink this if it was the last cold beer in the cooler. Okay, maybe that’s a stretch, but you get what I’m getting at. As the Icehouse warms up, it is downright terrible too. If both teams could lose, they would. However, Icehouse comes out on top slightly due to its less offensive flavor. Winner: Icehouse.